The reason I left academia (for now..)
This is one of those pieces that is hard to start writing. Mainly because writing it makes it true. After many years of working in academia, I’ve decided to leave it behind and focus solely on my venture as a creator and communication strategist. Although I didn’t stop teaching until June last year, I’ve still tried to have one foot in academia because I’ve been scared and ambivalent about leaving it completely behind. Why, you might ask, well, because I love politics. Ok, not love-love, but I’m incredibly passionate about it. Teaching was the main reason I wanted to become an academic. In fact, if I could just have taught and not had to go through the agonising part of unhealthy competition, misogynistic behaviour and dealing with too many individuals (in senior positions) with god-complex I would have stayed.
On reflection, I was naive thinking that academia and working in a university would be different to any other job. I had this idealist view that it would gather people who wanted to change the world and make a difference, that we would treat each other equally and that the pay would be somewhat fairer than in other sectors. But I was wrong. Like stale cigarette smoke, the aspects of academia that are bad linger forever. People do not change and many uphold a system that is toxic and elitist just because they had to go through that very same system to come to the top. These are inherent in, dare I say, male academics & regardless of their "pro" stance towards women or (shallow) feminist views, they're all contributing to maintaining the unequal power structures at play.
Let me demonstrate: at a conference I was told by my male more senior colleague when speaking about work-life balance that I was just "lazy" because I didn't stay up and worked on my research throughout the night. A senior professor asked if my husband paid for my PhD program. Another senior male colleague advised me not to start a family because it would destroy my career. Whilst the same colleague kept picking on me for minor misspellings, but when doing the same mistakes blamed me for not getting the correct information to begin with and to work during strike days.
At first, it was easy to think that it was all part of the path to becoming an academic and staying in British academia (I’m sure it all differs between countries and universities/departments) but after years of mental health issues (even my best friend quit (Swedish) academia for similar reasons) it was time to take a stand for myself, rather than keep thinking that someone else would do it. To take control over my own destiny (as cheesy as it sound). Although my new career path is far from linear and safe, I’ve taken control and regained my mental health, which is a very good and liberating feeling.
As always, do press the little heart if you like this post – it brings me so much joy to know that you are reading and liking what I’m writing.